When I showed you my porch the other day, it occurred to me that you might be interested to see how I went about “designing” it.
Well it starts with a vision in your head. And then you put that vision down on a mood board. And then you go out shopping at all the high end stores looking for just the right accessories.
Screeeech . . .
Maybe that’s how Nate Berkus or Martha Stewart’s crew does it, but I have my own little version of decorating that goes something like this:
Stand in your front yard in your pajamas and socks and scope out the scene.
Decide that you need a good heaping dose of color on the porch right about now. And maybe a piece of non-porch-like furniture.
Go back inside to change your socks, because walking in the yard with just socks on when you also have dogs is not a good move.
Dig around in the garage to find the table you have in mind.
Start to wonder if this table actually exists. Or are you remembering a table from one of your many thrifting dreams? Where is that stupid table?
Do your best impersonation of a circus contortionist to extricate the table from the pile of furniture, chairs and garden junk which is at least 7 foot high.
Realize it would probably make the evening news if you were to be buried alive in a pile of your own junk. You do not want to be on the evening news.
Finally dig out the table and drag it to the front porch.
Drag it back off the front porch when you notice spider egg sacks hanging from the bottom of the table. And now from your left boob.
Remove said egg sacks. Both from the table and the boob. And try to get the image of baby spiders crawling around on your chest out of your mind.
Drag the table back up onto the porch.
Go back to the garage to find one of your galvanized pails. Realize the particular pail you are thinking of is in the basement.
Traipse downstairs to find it in the basement.
Try to remember where you put your pussy willow branches from last year. Yes, they’re in the space above the garage accessible only by a rickety pull-down-from-the-ceiling ladder.
Take your life into your own hands to climb the ladder of doom. What is the weight limit on this thing?
Retrieve the pussy willows and place them in the pail. Not sure it was worth the whole trip, but by golly, they are staying there now!
Grab your vintage metal picnic basket and put it on the table. Realize it needs a little something in it.
Run to local garden center and spend half an hour picking out the right mini-flat of pansies.
All yellow? All blue? Dark spot in the middle? Or all one color throughout the petals? What about a multi-colored pack?
Decide on all yellow mainly because it is the color closest to you when you notice the garden center workers are starting to point in your direction and giggle.
Plop pansies down in the picnic basket.
Grab the pillow covers that you had sewn previously and put them on your pillows.
Realize you forgot to measure the pillows before making the coverings. Decide it should be a law that all pillows sold are 18″ square.
Think about re-sewing them. After regaining your sanity, decide that baggy pillows are “in” this year.
Decide you need something above the table.
Or do you?
Try a empty picture frame. Too small. What about a larger frame?
Practically trip over a green cabinet door on your way to return picture frame to picture frame pile. You do have a picture frame pile, don’t you?
Decide green cabinet door can work.
Run to Home Depot to pick up eye screws in order to hang the cabinet door.
Spend half hour at Home Depot looking for eye screws. Who knew they were in the nuts and bolts section?
Wear your fingers down to the nubs screwing in eye screws.
Hang the door and decide it still needs something.
What about the black tray? Where is the black tray? Are you just imagining you own a black tray?
OK, found it in the basement. Now how to hang it? Not using eye screws, that’s for sure.
Decide to use sticky backed Velcro. Thank God you actually have that at the house and do not have to make one more trip.
Wave to guy across the street when you realize he’s been watching you.
Bad enough if it was a girl watching you, at least she might understand decorating, but you’re pretty sure the guy is watching out of amusement/confusion.
Realize your doormat is shedding and you can longer read the word WELCOME on it. Looks totally out of place with your new fresh porch look.
Run to Target to buy a new doormat. So much for no more trips.
Done.
32 miles on the car.
Boy, this decorating stuff is easy.
Oh, wait. Photos.
Off to find camera . . .
Ashley @ 3 Little Greenwoods
You CRACK me up! Where you standing with me in my front yard last week? This is exactly my thought process about pretty much everything I do.
Can’t wait to see more pictures!
Naomi Garcia
Lol, I’m exhausted now. Looks great!
Debby Owens
Oh my goodness…could we possibly be twins separated at birth?! Your description sounded just like how I do everything. And to think that my parents had thought about naming ME Pamela! LOVE the front porch!!!!
Musings from Kim K.
Your writing is so darn witty. I can totally sympathize with EVERYTHING you are describing when staging that perfect look…right down to wearing socks outside. By the way, have you ever read Laura Levine? She writes the Jaine Austen mystery series. Your writing is so darn similar to her style. She totally cracks me up. You really are an amazing writer.
Pam Kessler
You are so sweet. And no I haven’t heard of her, but I’m going to check her out right now! Maybe she’s my long lost sister!
CherryPicked
This had me laughing so hard. I can completely see myself in your story. Your porch is beautiful 🙂
P.
I like the way you work! What we do in the name of aesthetics, huh? Love your porch! Thanks for sharing your process in your unique humorous way!
Menagerie Soaps
This really cracked me up. Hahaha, that is just how it’s done – you said it!
GinaE
Your porch always looks great, Pam! Thanks for sharing the process.
Leslie Harris
39 steps? Now that’s something I can relate to!! 🙂
Some of my best decorating projects have been conceived in my pajamas.
Wishing you a blessed Easter Pam!
xo
Leslie
Carlene @ Organized Clutter
Too funny! No matter how you did it, it turned out perfect!
TARYTERRE
This made me smile, not to mention chuckle. That is indeed how it goes.
Shara
You never mentioned changing out of your PJ’s, so I assume you went to the Garden store and the hardware store and Target in you jammies???
You are too funny! I could have written this same story when I did my porch!
Susu
You make me laugh! I think the porch looks lovely, but most I love your realness! This is the kind of decorating blog I can wrap my head around! Thanks!!
awal.ny
Too funny. 39 steps, that about summs it up alright. I think it goes for painting. Paint one thing and you can find at least 39 more that need to be painted. Have a wonderful weekend. Alaina
Debbiedoos
Your porch is and always has been one of my all time favorites. It is extremely welcoming and so thoughtful with all your special touches Pam! Happy Easter to you and your family. XO
Donna D
LOL, love it!
monkey
i commented on your porch yesterday and i am so glad you posted this today besides having tears running down my face from laughing i don’t feel so inadequate now xx
Amy Burzese
Bahahaha. Hits too close to home. Lol
Ceekay-THINKIN of HOME
OOh, I am crying from laughing….I so can see it, because I have done it!
Sarah Krouse
I’m exhausted just reading. Oh, if only more readers realized the arduous task it is to make our homes picture perfect!
Louise Marie
Hi there! i agree with your commentators! i love the post, the photos, and the way you think! i decorate just like you, although it usually does not come out as lovely as yours. i have a problem though. Your photos were missing something. i read all of your comments, although quickly. i am a speed reader and have known to miss a few words now and then. Make that paragraphs. It was not there either. I can’t find the empty photo frame or the tray. Did you do that on purpose, did you forget, am i making too big a thing about it, or am i missing something? It doesn’t matter. i just want to see how the whole story looks! Also, my forgetfulness is so great that if you really forgot, then you truly must be my long lost sister!!!!! Another thing, those little spider sacks……….i hate those things! Part of the reason is because i imagine the whole thing just as you described. Ooooooh, creepy crawlies………yewwww!
Judy
This is an awesome post!
Louise Marie
OMG! i am so sorry. i went back to re-read your post. There it was, right in the first paragraph, the link to all the good photos of your porch. It was not even the frame. It was the cabinet door. Lovely…….your beautiful creative design for your porch is so lovely. I love it all, especially your blog post! Thank you.
ThrifterSisters
Doing this lesson. Right now. Step by step.
🙂
Erica
Into Vintage
You had me at pajamas… 🙂
The Speckled Hen Cottage
You are just what I needed this Monday morning!!! I was just heading outside (pajamas and slippers…country girl) when I decided to to read a couple of blogs while my tea brewed. Your porch looks lovely, that table is perfect, the pussy willows are just right, and that rabbit is gorgeous standing guard over everything! By the way…you are so far ahead of the decorating curve with those “baggy” pillows…and to think we saw them here first!!!!;-)
HappyGal
Hi Pam, I did this same thing last year. Here’s how I solved it: I took out the pillow form and replaced it with a bunch of plastic grocery bags! It worked great and the pillows could stay out all season, no problem. Hope this helps and thanks for your charming post.
Michelle
How did you know?? My life quick projects are exactly like that??!!! Thanks for Keeping It Real ?