I'm grumpy. There I said it. I am in a funky, cruddy, gray mood. Have been for weeks.
This is my first Christmas without my sister, Ruth. The second without my Mom.
I can honestly say that neither one had been a huge part of my holiday for a few years, because both had been in declining health. And then there was my Mom's declining mental alertness (code for dementia), so it had been a few years since we'd celebrated the holidays as a family.
But this year I am missing them both. When I take out my Mom's dishes she used to use for holiday meals, when I pull out some Christmas decor that my sister made for me. Just about every day.
Blogging seems a little trite right now. Decorating my house in holly, jolly festiveness seems a little inane right now.
I don't normally get into my personal life here on my blog. Just thought I should explain why I have not been doing a lot of happy go lucky posts with witty sarcasm. Just don't have it in me right now. You'll have to go and get your gaiety elsewhere (uh, oh, is that witty sarcasm sneaking in?).
But I did take 700+ photos today of some of my Christmas stuff that I did put up, so over the next week or so I'll show you that stuff. I am going to force myself to be in a creative, happy mood for my son's sake if it kills me. You do that when you're a Mom.
I mean, Santa Claus can't be in a jolly mood every year, can he? He still puts on his red velvet pants and climbs in his sleigh no matter what.
Pam of Eastlake Victorian
Sorry you've been feeling blue. Holidays bring up those kind of memories. Such things have kept me away from blogging this year, too, because I also want to keep my blog light and fun. Hope the cheery Pam is back soon.
-Pam
Gillian Layne
Just read this. Dear, I so feel for you. This is the first Christmas without my sweet FIL. I'm trying to be SO cheerful for the kids. Sending you a (((hug))).
JunkStuffTreasures
I'm sorry to hear about your losses. It is okay to feel sad, crummy, mad, whatever... you'll turn a corner and your happiness will resurface. Blogging is great way to "talk" (somewhat anonymously). We're here for moral support!
Susie Q
Oh how I understand this...praying the funk will be lifted and you will reclaim the joy...for YOU. It's difficult, especially at this time of year, but know your Mom and sister are with you. Hold onto those sweet memories and surround yourself with what makes YOU happy.
You are such a dear lady and a joy to know. Sending you hugs.
Love,
Sue
Tete
Oh, sweetie, we all get this way every year- those of us who have our families on the other side. Just time will take away the cranky, but the little bit of sadness always remains. Just include them every year and it will help make it better. Take about them- share the best times and take to them. You know, they are now listening and will actually know how you feel. They are still there, you just can't see them, but they are there.
"Look inside and you will see we never really part,
I'm free to go where ever I want, I dwell within your heart."
Praying your funk away- Tete
Pam
Pat, I am so sorry. Yes, in the scheme of things, blogs aren't important. Hope your Mom finds comfort and peace.
Patty
Pam, I totally understand how you're feeling. I've lost my mom and dad and had to put my oldest kitty to sleep last Thursday. I cry at the drop of a hat. I love Christmas but it's really difficult to maintain a cheerful attitude. I did find that I felt a little better today when I shared a story about a practical joke my mom pulled on me one Christmas. I told this story to the woman in front of me in a line at the grocery store. She looked kind, and might enjoy the story since she was buying the same product my mom used at the time. She also looked as if she were undergoing chemo. And that helped to remind me that if she can be so cheerful under those conditions, then I could, too. Loss is a part of our lives, and we are all entitled to the extended bouts of grief that we feel during the times we should feel happy. Hugs,
patty
LizlovesVintage
You know, I thought something wasn't right. Hey, I understand fully. You don't need to explain it. I'm here if you need a shoulder or just want to talk...
I'm sorry for your pain.
xxx Liz
Debbiedoo's blogging and blabbing
Pam, I am sorry you are feeling that way, BUT you know what, I would be too! I am happy in the sense you have your blog to share and express that, I am betting in a way it helps some. Your Mom and sis I bet are watching you and so happy to see their special Christmas treasures and dishes. Big Hug to you! XO
awal.ny
I am sorry you are not feeling the spirit right now, but it is definitely okay to talk about it here. My mom has been gone 7 years and I always think about her at this time when I am making cookies and decorating the house. It is my memories as a kid that she provided us that I am trying to recreate for my kids.
Vicki
Pam, I'm sorry you are missing your mom and sister so much. ((hugs)) I'm glad you shared with us. You always can. The holidays can be so tough when you are missing loved ones. Thinking of you.
Gail @ Faithfulness Farm
(((HUGS))) Pam -- life is difficult sometimes. I have done the fake it til you make it thing but sometimes I think it is simply okay to be sad - just don't stay there long.
Take care!
CHRISTmas Blessings!
Gail
Olive Cooper
We all cope with loss at our own pace and Christmas is not always the happy go lucky time for every body. Many are sad at Christmas. I wish for you peace and rest my friend. The blog can wait. Olive