I'm grumpy. There I said it. I am in a funky, cruddy, gray mood. Have been for weeks.
This is my first Christmas without my sister, Ruth. The second without my Mom.
I can honestly say that neither one had been a huge part of my holiday for a few years, because both had been in declining health. And then there was my Mom's declining mental alertness (code for dementia), so it had been a few years since we'd celebrated the holidays as a family.
But this year I am missing them both. When I take out my Mom's dishes she used to use for holiday meals, when I pull out some Christmas decor that my sister made for me. Just about every day.
Blogging seems a little trite right now. Decorating my house in holly, jolly festiveness seems a little inane right now.
I don't normally get into my personal life here on my blog. Just thought I should explain why I have not been doing a lot of happy go lucky posts with witty sarcasm. Just don't have it in me right now. You'll have to go and get your gaiety elsewhere (uh, oh, is that witty sarcasm sneaking in?).
But I did take 700+ photos today of some of my Christmas stuff that I did put up, so over the next week or so I'll show you that stuff. I am going to force myself to be in a creative, happy mood for my son's sake if it kills me. You do that when you're a Mom.
I mean, Santa Claus can't be in a jolly mood every year, can he? He still puts on his red velvet pants and climbs in his sleigh no matter what.
Crystal Rose Cottage
Pam....I get the same way too. Since my parents are not here anymore, the holidays are just not the same. I feel sad everytime I hear Christmas music that reminds me of my time with them. My husband tells me I have to make new memories and I have 3 grandchildren that certainly help especially on Christmas day but I think it is just the expectations leading up. You do have your son and that is what you have to focus on. Just don't put pressure on yourself. Good luck and a big hug from me!~Patti
MamaMonki
Saying a prayer for peace for your heart and sending you a hug.
Sue
Do what you have to for YOU! No pressures, no requirements.... I do hope you can celebrate Christmas day w/your family and be happy. hugs, Sue
Polly
Totally understand. The holidays are just plain difficult for so many reasons. Hang in there....January 2nd is close by!!
Mark
You're killing me with this post. Perhaps you mentioned before about your Mom and Sister but I guess I wasn't paying attention. Sorry. As you know, I just lost my Sister two weeks ago. You're right, blogging does seem a bit "trite" right now.
Take care, Friend.
m.
Kim K.
I totally understand, Pam. With my MIL's death last week, this approaching Christmas seems so bittersweet. I'm trying to keep some normalcy for the girls, but there is definitely going to be a tough Christmas. HUGS to you!!!
Annette
I know how painful the first few years are without our loved ones, especially our Mom! Today I hung the Christmas wreath she made me years ago and the pre-stamped ornaments she sewed up that I in turn made into a hanging mobile. See, they will live on with us forever! You will make the happiest of holidays for your son, that's what we Mothers do!
Pat
Feeling the same thing, Pam. Don't know what to do, except acknowledge that blogs aren't everything, and for me, I just need to not push the blogging part. My mom just got out of the hospital yesterday after 2 small strokes. This is the beginning of the end, and there just won't be a lot of time to blog this holiday season.
Vickie @ Ranger 911
A few years ago, I was completely stressed out over something that in the scheme of life is reallly no big deal. I talked to my PA, and her understanding words helped me more than any medication could. She simply said, "You can't help how something makes you feel." Hopefully you will hear the kind words that help you get through this difficult time.
TARYTERRE
No matter what we muddle through this time of year. I know how sad it must be missing your mom and sister. These feelings will pass. Letting them surface is the best thing you can do for now. Hang in there. take care of yourself. Your witty blogging self will return when it's time. In the meanwhile just know you are in all our thoughts. Take care.
Heather
Pam, I completely understand. For some reason, I've been lacking Christmas mojo too. My daughter is having her wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, and I'm really hoping that after that perhaps I will get more in the spirit of the holiday. Hang in there, and know that many of us share the same feelings!
Cooper City Antique Mall
Pam, I hear your absolute saddness and I know you don't know me but if I could suggest a "Happiness Makeover" what I mean is instead of letting the sadness of your loss take over you can "choose to be Happy for having had them in your life" You can choose "to be Grateful for being lucky enough to have memories with them to miss" Be Happy for the time you did have with them. Life is about choices. George Burns in the movie "Oh God" was asked: If you are God, why did you give us bad thing's? I know it was just a movie but the answer that has stuck with me for years was God had never figured out how to do anything without an equal opposite. When he gave "up" there always was a "down", for "in" there is "out". And the one that affected me personally the most, "Death" because without it how could we appeciate "Life"
spend your holiday remembering the happy days before they were ill, choose to recall the happy early time and be greatful they are at peace.
Ceekay- Thinkin of Home
Sorry you aren't in a jolly mood...that's ok....we all have bad days, weeks, etc.
I know the mom in you will pull in out for your son...
Hope it gets better....
Amber Lyon Ferguson
Its your blog. You're entitled to be grumpy. We'll still visit, we have all been there. I have Lupus, fibromyalgia and severe pain issues daily. I am rarely chipper, blogging is my escape.
Amber
Debby
I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have known, you covered it well. I wish I could give you a hug. You know, I'm not that far away from you that I couldn't do that in person.
Seriously.
((((((HUGS)))))
Debbie Refreshrestyle
Sorry to hear this Pam, I hope things get better for you! I did see where you won something, somewhere ... I've read so many blogs, I can't remember. Thinking about you,
Debbie